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How Abusive Women Brainwash You |
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How do so many smart men fall for toxic, abusive women? Why do they remain in painfully self-destructive relationships when their higher intelligence knows better? Many men frequently cite, “but I love her.” Do they love these women or have they been brainwashed by abusive personalities? Are they confusing love with dependence on their partner/torturer—a kind of Stockholm Syndrome?
Our Website: A Shrink for Men
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Men Understanding Respect And Love - M.U.R.A.L. |
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Who are they?
 Two men, who had been abusers of their female partners and had stopped, met in Johannesburg in October 2005.
They had an important thing in common. They had a problem that was theirs and nobody else’s.
And they had taken concrete steps to prevent it happening again. One of them, Bearnard O’Riain, had published a book called Running to Stand Still. In it he described his long battle to stop his abuse of his wife. They succeeded and he describes how in his life story. It is a story of hope. And a love story.
While writing the book, O’Riain discovered that there were men’s support groups in Soweto and Alexandra but none in the northern suburbs of Johannesburg. His counselors confirmed that abuse was rife in the so-called white areas. So he started the Support Group, called Men Understanding Respect And Love – M U R A L.
It is open to men of all ages, race and religious groups and backgrounds.
These men recognize that there are three stages to recovery:
They acknowledge that there is a problem, admit that it is their problem and nobody else’s and take concrete steps to stop it.
What they have in common is that they:
have taken responsibility for their behavior, a desire to identify the causes and to find the triggers for that behavior. Finally, they have a willingness to go for professional help.
How does one join?
In greater Johannesburg, call Bearnard O’Riain on 082 342 2864. Or email via their website: www.muralhelp.co.za
We are asked if our group is in competition with Psychiatrists and counseling organizations like FAMSA or Life Line or Sonke Gender Justice?
No, MURAL is complementary to or additional to other sources of help. Members of MURAL regularly obtain help from the above also.
What is unique about MURAL?
Well, you can imagine for a start that they share experiences and they meet in a safe private place. They share the grief and heartache and they do not judge each other.
As they have all been there, they can relate to each other’s stories, good and bad.
This gives them credibility.
So, they have the same purpose and they mentor each other when appropriate. They hear each other’s progress, failures and successes, ask questions, steer, advise – not tell – each other.
They practice the skills of listening and asking questions about what is and is not working.
Where it is appropriate they point each other towards other forms of help, e.g. FAMSA or psychologists. Finally, they are determined to break the cycle of bad behavior.
They meet once a fortnight on Wednesday evenings from seven to nine o’clock in a counseling room at the Bryanston Methodist Church on Grosvenor Road, Bryanston, Johannesburg, opposite Bryanston Hardware & Locksmiths.
However, individuals may meet between meetings to discuss individual problems.
There are no fees.
Our Support Group is approved by other counseling organizations.
This is what Liz Dooley, the head of FAMSA, says:
“At last a group of men who want to break the cycle of violence that is destroying not only themselves but the very people they love.
It requires courage, patience and commitment and with support and encouragement, the members of this group will help you to walk the long road to recovery.”
Liz Dooley,
Family Life Centre. 011 788 4784 www.familylife.co.za |
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