When seeking help for domestic violence, call from a public pay phone or another phone outside the house, using one of the following payment methods:
- A prepaid phone card
- A friend’s telephone charge card
- Coins
- A collect call
When you seek help by phone, use a corded phone if possible, rather than a cordless phone or cell phone. A corded phone is more private, and less easy to tap.
Remember that if you use your own home phone or telephone charge card, the phone numbers that you call will be listed on the monthly bill that is sent to your home.
Even if you’ve already left by the time the bill arrives, your abuser may be able to track you down by the phone numbers you’ve called for help.
You can call 10111 for free on most public phones, so know where the closest one is in case of emergency.
Some domestic violence shelters offer free cell phones to battered women. Call your local hotline to find out more.
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Seeking help online
If you seek help online, you are safest if you use a computer outside of your home. You can use a computer at a domestic violence shelter or agency, at work, at a friend’s house, at a library, or at a community center.
It is almost impossible to clear a computer of all evidence of the websites that you have visited, unless you know a lot about Internet browsers and about your own computer.
Also be careful when sending email, as your abuser may know how to access your account.
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Privacy at Domestic Violence Shelter |
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Protecting your privacy at a domestic violence shelter
If you go to a domestic violence shelter or women’s refuge, you do not have to give identifying information about yourself, even if asked.
While shelters take many measures to protect the women they house, giving a false name may help keep your abuser from finding you (particularly if you live in a small town). A domestic violence shelter or women’s shelter is a building or set of apartments where victims of domestic violence can go to seek refuge from their abusers. The location of the shelter is kept confidential in order to keep your abuser from finding you.
The domestic violence shelter will provide for all your basic living needs, including food and child care. Shelters generally have room for both mothers and their children. The length of time you can stay at the shelter is limited, but most shelters also help victims find permanent homes, jobs, and other things they need to start a new life.
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You may want to consider getting a restraining order or protective order against your abusive partner. However, remember that the police can enforce a restraining order only if someone violates it, and then only if someone reports the violation. This means that you must be endangered in some way for the police to step in!
If you are the victim of stalking or abuse, you need to carefully research how restraining orders are enforced in your neighborhood. Find out if the abuser will just be given a citation or if they will actually be taken to jail. If the police simply talk to the violator or give a citation, your abuser may reason that the police will do nothing and feel empowered to pursue you further. Or your abuser may become angry and retaliate.
Do not feel falsely secure with a restraining order!
You are not necessarily safe if you have a restraining order or protection order. The stalker or abuser may ignore it, and the police may do nothing to enforce it. To learn about restraining orders in your area, call 10111.
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Staying safe after youve left |
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Keeping yourself safe from your abuser is just as important after you’ve left. To do so, you may need to relocate so your former partner can’t find you.
If you have children, they may need to switch schools.
To keep your new location a secret:
- Get an unlisted phone number.
- Use a post office box rather than your home address.
- Apply to your province address confidentiality program, a service that confidentially forwards your mail to your home.
- Cancel your old bank accounts and credit cards, especially if you shared them with your abuser. When you open new accounts, be sure to use a different bank.
- If you’re remaining in the same area, change up your routine. Take a new route to work, avoid places where your abuser might think to locate you, change any appointments he knows about, and find new places to shop and run errands.
- You should also keep a cell phone on you at all times and be ready to call 10111 if you spot your former abuser.
- You can also learn self-defense to protect yourself.
Dealing with the trauma of domestic abuse
The scars of domestic violence and abuse run deep. The trauma of what you’ve been through can stay with you long after you’ve escaped the abusive situation. Counseling, therapy, and support groups for domestic abuse survivors can help you process what you’ve been through and learn how to build new and healthy relationships.
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